24/09/2024

I have been losing interest in things I used to be obsessed with. Last year, I got into Milgram. Not the experiment. I mean the music project. It really sucked me in. The stories, the interactivity and the suspense over voting really excited me. I used to think about it all day. This might sound a bit strange, but this is simply how I am with all my other obsessions. I also drew a few of the Milgram characters. I still have a sketch of Haruka in my notebook, but I think I lost the other ones.

I guess the reason it was interesting to me is because some music videos reminded me of things that happened to me. The stories were also done rather realistically, so there is that. All my obsessions come and go usually, but this one stayed a long time. I think it has been almost a year since I got into it. However, like all other obsessions, this one is also fading. Last few months I haven’t been as interested as I was with it. I don’t have a new one that replaced it either right now. I guess I have been thinking more about one of my oc stories lately. I haven’t written anything about it yet, but I am planning to turn it into a webcomic someday. I have so many ideas in my head that come and go, but only a very few ones got written down. A few months ago I’d been thinking about another story to turn into a a webcomic. I do lots of thinking and very little action. I spent most of today laying down or on youtube. Maybe if I get a job it would be different, but for the most part I have not been getting calls from the jobs I apply to.

Well, I got a call from one of them yesterday, but I realized the location was far away from home, so I said I could not do it. I felt so anxious the whole day after it and could not calm myself down for a while. If I got a job, these issues would probably interfere with too. All day I’m controlled by “what if” kind of thoughts which leave me a nervous wreck and when I actually voice my complaints I get ridicule and scolding. Writing this out actually makes me rationalize them, though.

I think that’s all I’m choosing to write here today. I tried to write more today, because other entries were generally short. Also, I guess I had more energy today, because I didn’t do much.