Fishies!

I went to the aquarium today. I saw lots of different fish. I also saw penguins, frogs, and tarantulas. It was more like a zoo than an aquarium. The trip to the aquarium calmed me down a bit. The reason I went there was because I was late to an exam so they didn’t let me. I was exactly seven minutes late. I didn’t want to go to cram school and I wanted something to distract me. If I didn’t go to the aquarium, I probably would have done something horrible.

On the other hand, I spent way too much money in there. I bought a walrus plushie for way too much money from the gift shop. I am filled with regrets all the time. I hate spending money like that when I am unemployed. I wonder if I will ever find a job. I keep applying to different jobs and I am still unemployed. I thought the reason was my CV being a bit barebones, but I added stuff and I still don’t have a job.

These days I also reminisce about one my university years. I don’t exactly understand why. My university years were extremely difficult and made me a worse person overall. Before medication, I was always angry at people and had difficulties controlling my emotions. Despite that, I wasn’t a NEET. This is why I want to start postgraduate studies. University gave me a purpose, despite all the horrors. I wonder what are all people I knew from those years doing. I also reminisce about my high school years. Those were very regretful years. If I had studied more, I could have become a graphic designer. I enjoy editing photos after all. Now, all I can do is study for the exam on July and start my postgraduate studies. Maybe I can become an academician.

I am not sure if I can be anything other than an academician. I applied to a lot of translation bureaus and never got an interview. I also applied to other jobs and got an interview from a few of them but never got hired. Sometimes I think that I am useless. My grandfather actually said something like that to my grandmother once. I still sometimes think about it. It was so hurtful, but I guess they are right.