Feeling bad

Lately, I have not been able to find motivation to do a lot of things, so I go talk to people online to find motivation. I cleaned my room today after a long time of living in filth. There was so much bird poop! It took me an hour or so to clean it all. After it was finished, I was exhausted.

Now, I feel weird. I feel like there is a sickness on me. If I told anyone I would probably be scolded, but I cannot help feeling weird. I wonder if I am getting sick again. I am scared of a lot of illnesses, but these days I am afraid of getting meningitis. I am also afraid of going to the hospital, because I am afraid of needles. Other people don’t understand why, but getting blood drawn or getting an IV connected is such a scary experience to me.

On a different note, I am reading Watership Down. It is about a group of rabbits who leave their home to find another warren. After this, I might also read Redwall, which is about talking mice. I have been interested in talking animal books since I was a child, but cemented this interest was the Warrior Cats series. WC is a lot different than Watership Down though. Watership Down has a different tone and unlike in Warrior Cats, the narrator explains a lot of the lore. It is actually a bit disconcerting, because I am used to books that show, don’t tell. But Fiver is such an interesting character. He gets odd feelings whenever bad things are about to happen and has a nervous disposition. I see some of my own traits in him.

Cleaning was today’s most difficult part. It was just so tedious and took a long time. Talking to someone online made me more motivated to clean. Cleaning bird poop was so yucky too. I regret choosing birds as pets. They are cute, but they poop everywhere. I wondered if all the bird poop was making me ill, but I cleaned it and I still feel bad. Sometimes I wonder if I have a mysterious illness.