Being a NEET comes with so many drawbacks. I live on allowance money from my father as if I’m still a college student, so I run out of money pretty easily. College was horrible in so many ways and I don’t miss it, but things were simpler back then. I also tend to make impulsive purchases. Everyone expects me to get a job, but I cannot find a job. So, there is always this intense pressure on me.
2.My personality
My personality is rotten and crooked. I cannot stand up for myself at all. When someone yells at me my nerves go haywire and I start to apologize profusely. Then I get yelled at for apologizing. I just feel so scared when people yell at me. I used to yell back, but I don’t anymore. I always feel so lonely and latch onto people. I always think about people leaving me or harming me in every friendship I have. I am an unlikable person over all.
3. My fears
Ever since I was a child, I was afraid of everything. I was afraid of the wind, storms, and loud noises. To this day, my default moods are fear and stress. Whenever I get worried about something my mother tells me to just stop worrying, but I can’t. You can’t tell a fish to not swim or a bird to not fly. It’s just my nature.
4. I’m lazy.
It’s genuinely difficult to get me to do something. I am more used to lying in bed. For a few long time, my room was an absolute mess. Only with the help of my sister have I been able to get it organized.
5. I’m stupid
For some reason, I just feel so dumb and inferior to everyone. I always struggled in school and disappointed my parents. This year, I’m entering the KPSS test and I don’t know if I will manage to get a high score. I’m also entering ALES(Turkish exam for a master’s degree) and it all seems like things are piling on top of each other.
6. I keep whining
Even the reason I’m writing this now is to whine. I have a journal, but I don’t write in it. As bad as this sounds, I want people to see my complaining. When I write on this blog, I feel like I’ve talked with someone. Venting also keeps me calm, but it is embarrassing.